Some days I feel pretty hopeless. A student wrote, in response to an article about Colin Kaepernick, “I kind of get sick when black people say it’s a white man’s country because it is we were here first and if you don’t like it then get out of our country.” And I think as I read those words, are you thinking of my children? Where did you learn such falsehoods? I see the giant Confederate flag waving in the back of another student’s truck, and I think, do you know what that symbolizes to so many? I sit at my desk and vacillate between throwing my hands up in the air or weeping or screaming. I want to give in. Today I’m feeling pretty beat up and broken. This afternoon I can’t read one more Article of the Week response telling me why the police are justified in all of their shootings. I can’t look at another essay that tells me that racism is over and black people need to get over it. It’s hard to talk about favorite books with a student one minute and the next minute read the hatred sprinkled in his writing. So this afternoon I switch Pandora to some worship music and remember that change once happened in me. Yes, this is a teaching blog that often touches on issues of social justice, but I am first and foremost a follower of Christ. When I was 20 years old and working at church camp, I sat alone in the quiet with God and had a vision of my heart hardened like a rock floating up to heaven. In return I received a heart of flesh. It was new. I was new. At that point in my life, my heart of stone was crusty and dusty and full of regret. But I went from living a life of darkness and sin to walking in the light with Love. Last night at my church small group we talked about the patience of Abraham and Sarah. They were promised a precious son, and then they waited. And they waited some more, waiting on a promise that God would fulfill only in His perfect timing. As we continue to live in the midst of sinfulness and depravity and the remnants of a white supremacist society, we are waiting on another promise that God made, the one in Revelation 21:4 that says, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." In the meantime, we’re living in this shitty mess, the old order of things. (Excuse the language in a blog about faith. Sometimes it’s the only word that will do.) And in the meantime, it’s really really hard to have hope in this mess. It’s hard to hear of divisions and hatred; it’s nearly impossible to believe in that promise. But still. I have to cling to that same hope for humanity, even if that change doesn’t come in the timing I desire. (Or in my lifetime.) That doesn’t mean I don’t keep trying and praying and posting and pleading. It doesn’t mean that I sigh and give up in resignation. It just means that I do NOT give up my hope. It means that His ways are higher than mine. In “Your Hands” by JJ Heller she sings the Truth that “one day You will set all things right.” That is where my trust is today. Not in my words. Not in the government. Not in humanity’s ability to get it right on their own. I trust in God’s power to transform hearts of stone into hearts of feeling flesh. Come, Lord Jesus. Set all things right.
1 Comment
Vicki
9/23/2016 08:04:13 pm
So sad...upsets me every day. The terrorists got what they wanted on 9/11. We have become a nation of hate and fear. Many parents don't teach their children love or respect. Seems like they don't remember even if they once knew. It is not a one-sided issue. I believe Trump behaves like the evil one and so many have taken on that aura. So so so sad. However, God will triumph. The difficulty is the waiting. Feeling for you, Aunt Vicki
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