Here's another recycled post from a dusty, long-forgotten blog. It's a message that still needs to be heard - by me and by all of the other brave, beautiful women around me. -------------- I'm not going to say anything new here. My thoughts won't be neatly organized and perfectly coherent. I'm just putting these thoughts in words, hoping that perhaps I can tattoo them in my own mind and heart. It started with a blog from a friend, and I was thinking about how so many women face battles with food. So very many precious women that I love have trudged through bulimia and anorexia, overeating and overexercising. And if it's not food, it's something else. It's when I look in front of the mirror, dripping from the shower and think, "Teeth aren't white enough from drinking too much coffee. And yes, my upper lip is still too thin. Look at those damn wrinkles under my eyes. Like the dark circles weren't bad enough. And that's just great. More acne. Why won't my body remember that I haven't been a teenager for over a decade? Yep, extra weight around my middle. Perfect. " It's when I'm at the grocery store berating myself because I don't have the time or energy to purchase only all-organic, all-natural foods and cook gourmet and also budget-conscious meals for our families. It's when I look at other people's boards on Crackterest Pinterest and think, "Wow, do they really make all those recipes, wear all those outfits, create all those crafts, perform all those exercises??" Not enough wrinkle cream. Not enough Bible study. Not enough treadmill time. Not enough healthy food. Not enough reading with the boys. Not enough. Not enough. Not enough. And I know where it comes from, too. It's the nature of our beast, right, ladies? Our own insecurities produce overcompensation, masking our own true and beautiful selves. So we use social media to project this image of perfection in the form of romantic date nights, sweet moments with children, the Best Workout Ever, unending satisfaction at the workplace. Or we hide behind comical self-deprecation or the extra glass of wine or the careless flirtation with a coworker. We learn from our female role models, too, because that's just the way this female game works. I see it in my female students, too, as they put on their false selves. Oh, I wore mine so well at 16 and 17. It was a false self of a pious and self-righteous Christian who was too good to go to parties with my peers. For other teenage girls it might be the need to wear every hair in its place with a perfectly coordinated outfit and accessories. It might be a carefree/careless attitude that results in purposely unkempt hair and multiple days in the same pair of yoga pants. It all comes from the same root, though -- the mask put on because she doesn't feel like she is good enough. This message of not enough comes from too many broken hearts and broken homes and nights spent crying and unrequited love. It comes from The Curse and the fear that we're not supposed to be like this. It's from jealousy and inadequacy. So today I want to scream, "YOU ARE ENOUGH! I AM ENOUGH!" You in the grocery store putting frozen pizzas in your cart because you don't have the energy to cook dinner after working more than 40 hours this week? Enough. You on your couch looking at the perfect workout photos posted on Pinterest and wishing you had time to make it to the gym today? Or even walk around the block for that matter? Enough. You who cried again in the shower because you get teased at school because you have a crush on a boy who doesn't even know your name? Enough. You who lost your temper with your overtired children at bedtime after a week of too-little sleep and too much running? Enough. You with the laundry spilling out onto the floor and the dust bunnies under the bed and the dishes piled up in the sink? Enough. Too fat, too skinny, too boring, too tired, too nerdy, too bland, too wrinkly, too disorganized, too, too, too. Enough, enough, enough. "When I look around, I think this, this is good enough, and I try to laugh at whatever life brings. 'Cause when I look down, I just miss all the good stuff. When I look up, I just trip over things." -Ani DiFranco, "As Is" And that "good enough" doesn't have to be a depressing admittance of resignation. It can be an acceptance of dreams and looking forward along with contentment and appreciation, a presence in the now. Living like surely these women do. Or this woman. Or this girl. And I'll forget again tomorrow as I look at the Facebook photos of half-marathons, gorgeously staged family portraits, and photo-worthy desserts, but I have this written now. Published. Tattooed. Enough.
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September 2020
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